it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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