You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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