Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Randomize
