i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize