Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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