I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
