K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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