she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
