did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
