My nipple is on Facebook.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
