Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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