I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
