um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize