It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
