I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize