I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
