I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
