Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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