I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
