OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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