The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
