You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
