Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
