I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
