Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
