I think I died a long time ago.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
