Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
