I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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