Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
