I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have demons in me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
