Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
