He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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