i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
