There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
