Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
