Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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