i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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