i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
