Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
