We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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