Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
