Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
