He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize