The maid of honor just puked.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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