Will you blow on my dice?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
