At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
