im having a threesome with these popsicles
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
