I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
