Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
