I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
