She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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