Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
