Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
