This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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