Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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