he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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