Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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