You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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