I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was born a porn star she said
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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