if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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