am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
