I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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