This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
