so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
