Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
the raccoons are back...
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