I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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