Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
