You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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