five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
50% drunk capacity currently
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
