Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
